Don’t Let Life Crush You!!!

The devil wants your life! But here’s a word for you to help your understanding.

Hey you! If you prefer to listen click the video!

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:

(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Let me break this down for you.

  1. For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh ( we do not have a conversation with ourselves about how bad things are, how terrible we are, how sad life is and any conversation that includes sadness, depression, or negativity and evil):
  2. For the weapons of our warfare (every day is a war! Joyce Meyers wrote a book the Battle of the Mind!) are not carnal (are not based on feelings), but mighty (but under our command!)

through God (through knowledge of scripture we have learned that God will not withhold any thing GOOD from us. And that he wants us to walk in abundance. PERIOD!!!!! No negotiations!)

to the pulling down of strong holds (thoughts!!!!!!! Feelings!!!!! Past trauma!!!! Broken relationships!!!! Grief!!!!! Guilt!!!!Dysfunctional families!!!!!!)

  1. Casting down (just take your hand and grab the air above and throw it down as hard as you can and stomp on it!) (It means openly rejecting, blocking & atacking!) imaginations (negative thoughts, feelings and ideas)

and every high thing (if it makes you want to curl up in a ball, grab a bottle of liquor, smoke some weed, jump off a bridge, cuss some folks out, delay your
progress, grab a gun, cut your wrist, slap somebody, jump in your car and run into a brick wall, stay in bed all day, refuse to answer your phone, snap, contemplate suicide!)

that exalteth itself (read that again. Not you thinking it, but it exalteth itself) against (AGAINST!) the knowledge of God (what is the knowledge of God? We know the word says I come that you may have life and that more abundantly),

and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; (Our job is to correct the the lie! Snatch it into reality. Don’t allow it to make you form an opinion! You tell it you believe the word of the Lord. Now bow down thoughts! Bow down feelings and serve the word of the Lord! Realize that you are in control. You make your life what you desire because you believe and trust what God desires for your life!) That’s authority!!! That’s your position! That’s how we roll! That’s what we teach our children so they’re not always thinking of killing themselves! Life is not for the weak. It’s for the believer.

Transform your mind to be the powerhouse it is! I am Kathleen, your conscious coach.

Brian Carn and Jamal Bryant: Why Charismatic Church is Harmful to the Black Community

I see it all the time. Churches filled with fleeting women. Fleeing from life looking for a savior. Same for black men. Running, searching for answers, full of demons. I see it and I get it. There is a need for religion. Religion is necessary and beneficial. But- religion cannot all be “a feel good”. Charismatic preaching is harmful and dangerous to the black community.

Not only is charismatic church harmful and dangerous it is the self-fulfilling prophecy of un-watchful eyes. Remember when Jesus told them to watch and pray? What he was really saying was take notes on what is really going on. Be observant. Whatever he has said is real and it works.

Do you need a LIFE policy? Call Kathy for a FREE 5 minute qoute. 314-472-8127

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So, then the question becomes what does Jamal and Brian have to do with this? Preachers like them owe the black church one thing we really never see. They give the people emotional highs, but no structure. No way out. No real truth. You see I can tell you the truth, but hide the reality.

Preacher:

“God says he sees you. You’re heavy laden. God says you’ve had trouble on every side and it seems you can’t get a breakthrough!!! It’s been tough and every-time you take a step it’s like taking 3 steps backwards! Can the church say HALLELUJAH! Touch your neighbor and say, “It get’s better!” Now turn to your other neighbor and say, “God is on your side!”

Instead of all the hype; why not say fix your credit and here’s a budgeting book. We meet every Tuesday night to improve the lives of saints! God said we should have life and that more abundantly. The Budgetnista will be here to help us win!!!!! Do you see the difference in charisma alone vs the companionship of structure and a plan of action? If the preachers and teachers of the black church want real God freedom for the people they must institute a plan along with praise and the worship. And if they’re doing it in some form, good for them.

Take a look at the performance: https://www.instagram.com/tv/Cf7-ltcjBBh/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

After watching that what did the parishioners go home with, besides an emotional reboot? I mean I love church, Lord knows I do. An organ is my hero, my bestie. When I go I’m going to get my praise on. Electrocute me! Set my soul on fire!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 But then what? There’s a disconnect between what is godly and what is God’s will. Godly is praise and worship God’s will healthy financially stable people.

Preacher: “Your son is in the streets. I pray God brings him in!”

The Bible: “Visit the fatherless….”

Godly vs God’s will.

See there are too many games being played at the expense of black culture and generational wealth. To close the gap we need leaders who understand we don’t care about charisma. It is time for practical teaching and instructions to save the people. Salvation and glory, riches and power should go hand and hand. What if Magic Johnson was invited to speak on building your portfolio with real estate. WhT if he stood before the congregation and said I want everyone in here to own a home before I return next year this time? What if Jamal Bryant and Brain Carn invited Lebron James and his wife Savannah to speak to the young people about marriage, family and education? See we want the feeling, but not the reality of the good life!!! We’re comfortable not knowing and not pursuing greatness. We just want to feel something, it’s like wearing Chanel in section-8 housing. People want to feel something, but why feel when you can be.

When you can live life abundantly. When you can be a doctor, scientist, med-student, the first to go to college, the first to open an urgent care, the first to start your own community hospital, the first to buy 139 acres to build a subdivision. Why are we not connecting the dots? Why are we not following the blueprint? Why is Boris & Nicole not invited to the Sunday BBW to tell the congregation beautiful black love can last forever?

Then there are the traumas. The traumas and toxic behavior that has been exposed. The spirit of slavery which sounds like #KimBurrell on any given day day. Hatred, anger and bitterness oozing from black lips. Cursed tongues calling our own ugly, black, no good, pitiful and saying things like you are never going to make it. And then we have people in our community with boots on the ground fighting o help black children stand, keep a smile on their face, believe in themselves and be successful. People like Tara Shephard, April Williams, McArthur Glaze, myself and so many more.

Are we afraid to be better? Is it scary to not have people need you preacher man? I did not say, need God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost. I asked, “Are you afraid the congregation will not need you?” Jesus was never afraid the crowd would not follow him. He told people, “I healed you? Okay go to the city and tell the people.” Per se. What can your members say, “Boy we had a time last night! We had a time last night!!!!”

If the crime rate and the single parent rate and the ownership rate has not improved you are not serving in the capacity in which you could, should or would if you had your ear to the ground. The ground is the Earth, the people who you are called to serve. Are you having a time or making a measurable difference?

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Can We Concede to the Idea That Only God Can Do It?

I have had to ask, beg and ask again for help! I’ve cried many nights. Slept in my car in below zero temperatures.

So why do I still lift my head and say, “Thank you Jesus”? Seems like I should be throwing Jesus away and the cross he hung on! A black woman darn near 50 shouting and praising God. Woke and errthang!!!!!

Cause it ain’t about theory, or if the white man made Jesus up!

It’s about who answered when I called!!!!

See my dad, my back bone, my lifesaver who would pick up the phone and call if I had the slightest start of a bad day? Yeah, that dad is gone! My family do what they can and some do what they will. Respectfully. Some don’t care at all or don’t know how to care, either way, thoughts don’t feed me or pay bills! Talking to me on the phone is great, but you don’t know if I ate today or if I have running water! You don’t know if my clothes are clean!!! But don’t get me wrong, texts and phone calls are good for emotional stability. Extremely important for mental health.

I’ve been through some stuff! It’s been strange for over a year now. During said time, I’ve developed a sense of love and understanding I never knew existed. A sensitivity to life and what other people may be going through without making an announcement. Secretly, I am appreciating learning how to keep quiet and to allow others to express their thoughts. To tone down my anger, rebuking frustrations; so I can allow context to drown in calm. I do this so that others can breathe and I myself can walk away not needing to recover from conversations!!! I’m not sure why we ever wanted to be champions of arguments?

Now back to what I was saying. Life can be scary, difficult and a bit lonely. People don’t want to do for you and some refuse. It’s about He —- who touched the hearts of them who in no other wise would help me! To make them do what— they questioned!

Only God can do it!

It’s about me knowing what I prayed for and it showing up! 🙏🏾

It’s about him telling me my next move & me finally listening and not going my own way.♟

Only God can do it!!!!!!

Only God!

You may not know him like I know him. To you he’s the traffic stop God! Thank God you didn’t get a ticket. 🏎

Or you may know him like Deon Cole said, “Look at God. A parking spot right here up front!” 🅿️

You May know him this week because, “Thank God you had $40 for gas!” ⛽️

It doesn’t matter. As long as you know God did it and only God could do it!!!

Can we finally give ourselves some rest? Because I believe there are many things we can do. In fact all things are possible to those who believe. But I’m sure you will agree, sometimes life forces you to your knees or to a loud cry. And you and I both know: only God can do it! Pray about it! Don’t be the cause of it! And even if you are the cause, pray for a way out. And watch God move!

Suicide – Skills We Never Talk About or Do We?

suicide #watchandpray #lifeskills

I just wanted to share from my experiences about how prayer benefits the mind. Prayer is protection. It keeps your heart and mind aligned with God and our human existence. See there’s a reason you don’t have time to pray; yet you are depressed. Some say they don’t know how to pray; yet you can sing words to songs. In the same breath one feels like quoting scriptures is fake. Well, reading words from the Bible like the Lord’s Prayer is not fake. Reading the 23 Psalms is not fake. It is very personal, very heart touching and a connection to God.

See the spirit of depression has one job, keep you feeling like any help is wrong. So if reading the Bible helps it is challenged. If going to church helps then it’s challenged. How is it challenged? Primarily with thoughts. I bet you can barely hear yourself think. That’s because of the constant barrage of evil interjection many adopt as the truth. How do I know? I fight every day at times. Before I practiced overcoming strategies like the simple ones I mentioned, life was more of a struggle. I had so many walls up I didn’t realize I had closed myself in. And I’m sure you don’t realize it either. You honestly believe you are protecting yourself from the thoughts of others. When in reality you have not faced reality. And you have not faced reality because you do not have the skills or understanding about people and life. Therefore, you want relationships that are not yours. You want friendship and commitment that will never happen. And while you wait on the edge of the seat for it to come to fruition days are passing where you could be creating real relationships.

What about people? People are people and most people know nothing about people. All of us humans no greater than the next. Flesh and bones with clothes on. They don’t know how to love, care, express themselves, when not to express themselves. They don’t know about compassion or passion. They rarely know about themselves. They don’t know about relationships and how to fix what is broken inside before trying to connect with someone else. People get mad when people are not there and—-People work! People have families! People have a life. People don’t have time to babysit your emotions. But here’s the thing, you don’t have the time either. You’re making the time. Some of you are uninviting yourself and then saying no one likes you or cares about you and you are the one cancelling. And I’m here to tell you that is a skill you are missing; not a flaw. It’s not a weird thing. No one dislikes you that much and guess what? If they do there are other humans and animals out there for you to be in good relationship with. Remember, it is a skill, not the truth.

So here we are. You are isolated and you’ve made up your mind that this is it. You have your walls up and your reasons are stacked against all. But you did not see yourself getting cornered. Let’s talk about how to —-Break up the fallow ground! The hard heart that doesn’t want any blood (life) to flow through is always ready for love and light. It is up to us (through skills) to remove the outer shell and let light in.

Sing songs of joy and admiration. Bow down in HIS presence so you don’t feel like you have to stand and war all the time. Take a pleasant place on the ground, on the floor. Meditate on God’s word and his goodness. Listen —- Y’all out here trying to live a life that is bigger than you and you cannot handle life baby!!! None of us have managed the thing called life alone. There’s a whole creator who knows more than we can phantom. But he has provided answers. Simple answers that can change the mind from suffering to overflowing with joy, laughter and light. And for godsake stop letting people fear you away from therapy. I love therapy. I’m honest on my therapy sessions. Hey, I pay them to help me not understand my perspective.

Practice prayer, meditation and the things mentioned above. Stop fighting to be alone. Learn more about people and you and be okay with it all. Like do not try to make the world right. Be light. Be positive and think godly thoughts about you. Affirm who you are and atttract like minded people into your circle. Be a good person, mother, daughter, son, father, uncle, aunt, cousin, sibling, friend, co-worker etc. Do the things you enjoy.

Don’t allow your today to take your life.

Why More Black Women Need to Say, “I’m Still a Virgin“ at Age 41.

Winning!

Venus Williams is like the failure to shoot your shot heard around the world. The echo is internet numbing. Who does that? Who saves their vagina for a proper relationship? I mean what is the point of holding the whohahh? Many are reading the headline “Venus Williams says she is still a virgin” and clutching their dirty pearls twice washed with no stains removed. And people are seriously questioning why she would do such a thing. I have another question. What was the point of giving the hot pocket away?

As CardiB asked one time, what was the reason? Who conned you out of your love with promises that landed on stars and vacationed on the moon. I’m talking paradise. Oh he was planting paradise and parking on rose hills with those text messages. WYD at 8:30 while riding the bus or or or cruising the hillside on his Lamborghini; either way he got it one night or for 365 nights and he’s still gone. I know the split was a mutual decision. You both outgrew the relationship and wanted different things. The sex was amazing! Mind blowing, back breaking and unlike chicken wings there was not shortage of orgasms. But sis, was he really worth the lay of the loving?

I know the two questions are valid. Should we remain virgins until married or should we have and enjoy sexual freedom? Hmmmmmm…idk. Because then we are talking sexual responsibility and I can tell by the number of baby mamas that part ain’t going to well! I mean even corporate, educated, AKA type of sisters are baby mama’s right alongside of Marquisha and Derinayhia. So, was it worth it? The expense of the failed pull out, plan B or STI/STD? Not to mention the emotional roller coaster ride that seems to never run out of tickets to sell. Who wants to my their virginity down and take a chance? Me!!!!!!!!! Whew Chile! You didn’t see the other women get on the ride with a man and get off alone and pregnant? You didn’t see them holding hands with cotton candy and now her credit is shot up? Did you not hear about how he has no plans for the future yet wants the keys to your Kia?

I am not saying it is all bad. A good date and good relationships are all a part of life. Woven into this mystery called decisions and consequences is a heart. Our seat of emotions and our reasons why we believe to adult is to have sex. We grown right? So let’s get it on. You do me or am I doing you or are we sharing a moment together? Unclear, however, one must ask why go there time and time again when most of the time women feel defeated after sex. Like they wish the cookie jar would have remained shut. Now we all know we cannot take it back. Those memories are etched in our brains. Well, this one guy, this one time, I honestly don’t remember. And I am sure I had nothing to drink. LOL! He was cute though. Do you see what I mean? He didn’t deserve to see me half clothed less known naked. Less known all smelling. I mean I complimented the sheets. The room owed me for showing up. (Makes perched lips face with a twist & one eye closed). Is Venus right?

Well she cannot be wrong. Her body, her mind, her sexy and her time. We all get to choose. We all get to decide if our sexual experience was a win or if it somehow caused us to lose. Sex is the individual choice. The magic you decide or forfeit. And I don’t know what it is like to be a 41 year old virgin, but I kinda wish I did. Or at least a 32 year old virgin. 28? 24? 18? What would your number be?

Young Dolph, White Supremacy and Systemic Racism. Why Are Blacks Afraid to Break It Down?

Image screenshot @youngdolph Instagram

Every time you pull the trigger you support white supremacy and systemic racism. White supremacy had one job, cancel the black family and black economic freedom. We cannot be blind the systemic racism. First let us begin with one question. What makes it systemic or a system? A system is a set of things working together as parts of a mechanism or an interconnecting network. Things working together to yield or produce a certain result. Well let us look at what “things” can be identified in the black community where gunning down a young black man is and has been normalized and more strategically; glorified. Young Dolph is not the first, King Von, Biggie, Pop Smoke, Tupac Shakur, Nipsey Hustle …. I mean here’s the link to the list.

In other word the white man made you. Don’t @ me! I said what I said. And the facts are heartbreaking as I watched the mother of Young Dolph’s children and his future wife express her grief on The Shaderoom’s post. No offense to anyone, when I said “the white man made you”, however reality is shaped by knowledge not emotions. Conditioning is real. Pavlov, a well known psychologist, demonstrated the validity of conditioning with rats and dogs. His experiment involved ringing a bell to have the dog or rat respond with an expectation f having food. Conditioning is observed. You can see it. Conditioning is easy to study. Why? Because it is a system. The white supremacy system was meant to enslave us behind the chains and whips. They took a more sophisticated approach to ensure mental servitude where the victims perceive their status or existence is their doing. Another famous psychologist was John Locke. John Locke’s theory of the tabular rasa or “blank slate” is true. His theory was that every child is born with a blank slate and the conditions, environment and lessons they learn will shape their future. But are blacks given “blank slates or clean slates”? No. Blacks are born into enslavement type of conditions. You can be a rich and enslaved or poor and enslaved. Young Dolph was rich and enslaved. The three young black men who killed him were poor and enslaved. They all perceived their status (way of life) was their choice. However, they all contributes to and served one purpose. They created white generational wealth and they did it under the mask of black culture.

Screenshot from The Shaderoom

When we look at the story of Young Dolph 🐬 we see “the list”. We see the list of things like lack of fathers in the home, recruitment of youngsters into gang violence, shootings, dependency on government assistance, poverty, low income communities and lack of education. All things working together as parts of a mechanism to produce a likely outcome. What is a likely outcome? Likely is used to indicate that something is probably the case or will probably happen in a particular situation. How is the death of rappers like Young Dolph and blacks in general predicted? How can we judge what will likely happen? Look at the things. If the “things” are present, then; more than likely; we will see the end result of blacks being

  • Juveniles (#1 in the nation)
  • Absent father in home (#1 in the nation)
  • Birthing unmarried (#1 in the nation)
  • Poor academic score (#1 in the nation)
  • Shootings
  • Lack of job skills
  • Lack of high salary jobs
  • Lack of STEM based jobs
  • Lack of safety. (Bad neighborhoods.)
  • Lack of education
  • Lack of independent housing (owning)
  • Lack of assets
  • Incarcerated
  • Jailed
  • Heavily fined
  • On child support
  • Dependent on government asst.
  • Killed/murdered before 18
  • Killed/murders in 30’s
  • Killed/murdered by same race (#1 in the nation)
Screen shot from IG

That is the work of the system. For us as blacks, it is list checking time. The system has the ability to forecast how many black males and females will be imprisoned in the next 20 years. The system has the ability to determine our median income and financial projections for the next 39 years. How do you know if you are participating in white supremacy and systemic racism as a system? Check the list. No system exists that does not have data to support the theory of it’s existence. There is literal data to show the white supremacy model and how it impacts African Americans. The system includes messaging (commercials/propaganda) in music to subconsciously reconstruct core beliefs. The core beliefs are centered on the message of hopelessness and survival. Messages motivate the listeners. Messages rally the cries and control decision making. We under estimate the messengers of music. But they never did. We are the only people who celebrate death and not life. We glorify the abhorrent. Things that are actually trauma, our lived experienced and glorified through music:

  • Hood life
  • Ghetto
  • Mistreatment of black women
  • Drugs
  • Alcohol abuse
  • Promiscuity
  • Sex as a drug
  • Sex as control
  • Sex as a money haul
  • Sex as punishment
  • Lack of care for black males
  • The murder of black men
  • The murder of black children
  • The murder of black women
  • The pain of single parenting
  • The pain of absent fathers
  • The pain of poverty
  • The misrepresentation of black culture
  • Selling of drugs
  • Sex trafficking (pimping)
  • Pimping (sex trafficking)
  • Strong cussing foul language to dehumanize & desensitize us

No rap song can be made without the context of black trauma. And let me give you some wisdom, the relatable is not always good to transfer. For example I was a teen mom. That is not a skill or life choice I wanted to transfer to my children. Understanding that, I had to change the message in my household. The message changed to being consciously aware of our emotions, financial struggles as well as looking forward to the future of opportunities to be successful. The message changed, the outcome changed. Relatable, but not complicit. There had to be a delineation between my lived experiences and my children’s desired outcome. If there was not a difference approach they would have become a statistic.

None of the things listed above are black culture. It is not black culture. It is the black condition after white supremacy. The job of systemic racism is to produce non-productive black individuals and communities. White supremacy presence means we have poverty, pain and behavioral patterns that generate white wealth. It means we operate like hamsters on a wheel. Have babies, not married, no father (whether killed or absent). That’s white supremacy. No different than when whites were breeding babies and making them slaves, separating black families, denying them the right to marry and denying them the right to read. Young Dolph is one of many. I will leave you with this. If we do not intentionally, strategically and fully break partnership with the enemy; we serve them.

I Know Why You Can’t Park Your Car And Listen to the Music At the Same Time

Whew! What a mystery huh? Why can’t your drive and park your car while listening to music? Seems like an easy task. So why the switch up? Technically, you have been driving the entire time so what makes parking this difficult task that literally requires a level of concentration befitting a surgeon? One simple reason, that’s not how the brain works. Why not you say? I’m glad you asked and this might be a good time for doctors to take a seat. I’m kidding! LOL! No I’m not! Yes, I am! Well, am I.

Turns out there’s one grey matter that has it’s own sense of humor. And I don’t blame it. I would want to be like the other organs as well. If you look at the heart it has two functions. To pump blood and emotionally support your choice in a date by thudding or not thudding when you see someone attractive. There was no ask, the heart simply supplied an answer without your request. If you look at your ears they have two jobs. Listen and hear. Now you never know which one they are doing. Seems complicated when someone suddenly taps you on the shoulder and asks, “Did you hear a word I said?” While you are squarely positioned in front of them. The response is usually, of course I am listening. Then they ask that one question that stomps you every time. “What did I just say?” Quick, change to a deer! Because you look like a deer caught in the headlights. Turns out you honestly did not hear a word. Why? Because grey matter (your brain) is making decisions for you and you have no clue when. In fact, you have no clue why.

As a traumatic brain injury survivor I have learned many things and one is that we barely make decisions on our own. The brain is highly intelligent. Like did I even need that sentence? I believe grey matter can literally be trained to do almost anything. However, there is one mission it has non-stop, without fail: SAFETY. Safety and protection. Safety and protection against foreign objects, bodily harm and to maintain emotional and mental health. The body literally wants to live and the mind literally wants to be at peace. That is our grey matter’s secret weapon. A gift from God Himself. Grey matter even likes to protect us from financial ruin. Grey Matter or what I will call “GM” is so well designed & operated that the mind is absolutely undeniably the greatest source of protection known to man. So protective, it commands a jump or brace if a car, bike or even a child approaches at a fast rate of speed. Jump or brace. Either way the duty of safety and protection is evident.

Having to live with a TBI, I have grown to appreciate my brain. Who knows if it will ever be the same. I certainly hope it returns to perfection. Most days it hurts. It is a all day everyday pain. Sometimes it is dull while other times, like this morning, it is brutally sharp. BTW- This morning is roll-over from that 45 minute drivetrain the doctor I had yesterday which left me so anxious I slept maybe 2 hours tops on and off last. I took my braids down that were just done early in the day (see pic above). And yes those are noise cancelling headphones. Proper for the gun range. Oh and I was twitching, tweaking and twisting anything I could get my hands on including all of my body parts. Fun times last night! There was no meeting of the minds last night. I tried to barter services. Hey why don’t you give me a good nights rest in exchange for a peaceful morning? Huh??? Huh??? Remember those GM? Remember before all of this happened you liked reading books, baking and doing the laundry. It was soothing. Huh??? Huh??? Remember you liked podcasts? Huh??? Huh??? All noise to me now. They all hurt now and I must protect you. No the sound of rain is like heaven on Earth. It’s the river dance of life! Nope! It’s harmful & triggers headaches. Sigh.

GM is a boss and without some form of control; it can be a nightmare. In fact it will write the best horror flicks ever. The night terrors I have had since this TBI have been well beyond Steven King’s imagination. MGM studios and Tyler Perry could never create a set to compare to these nightmares. Pixar, Disney and Dreamworks dream on & count your days there is a new cerebrospinal fluid sheriff in town and she’s oozing with talent. The foley of one of these cinematic drama is beyond what David Lynch can deliver. This is better than Jurassic Park. Jason who? Freddie Kruger take a seat and Scream why? None can conjure up my heart palpitations, wet t-shirt, dry-mouth, panting 3am premier. No no no! This is Hollyweird. I mean throw in some hallucinations, sprinkle on some salty depression and you got yourself one big shitty show. Oh, don’t forget it is the best film of the year, so it is on rotation. Let me just share that the worse version is when I’m invited to a party. (Of course I have a handsome date!)

So we arrive. He introduces me. (Of course I look fabulous!) He says, “Hunni, let me go grab us a drink.” I say, “Sure darling.” He walks away. I’m smiling from ear to ear cause he looks good, it is a great evening, I look good, he just made both of us look and turn……… To an empty room that was just filled with chattering people. Blank white walls that were just lined with art and people chattering about, smiling, fake smiling and checking me out while I’m checking them out and reading the room. Clear cold air. That was just filled with laughter and music.

“Hello”

“Stop playing.”

“Guys.”

“Babe, stop playing.”

“Come on now.”

“Okay, enough.”

“Hello.” Panic sets in.

“Hello” My legs shrug back and forth as my stomach becomes a ball of confused energy. My voice weakens.

“Guys”

“Stop playing!” Desperate, my eyes fill with tears, my voice baited with pandemonium and I start to shiver.

“Come on.”

“No.” By now I am cracking.

“No”

“Noooooooo!” As I beat on the walls, running from space to space as the walls close in on me until when I turn the there is no space. The place was just decorated. There were windows and doors. A whole vibe, but the event has become an elevator. And scene or is it “end scene”. Wake up. Dang. What the heck? It’s 3:27am. Go back to sleep? You might get another elevator version before 6. I’ll pass. Let’s see what’s on tik tok.

The brain is delicate. More complicated than I ever knew. But of course we don’t think about how we think or why, we just live on auto pilot. A world of subconscious laced with a little intention. We never look at its beauty. We never really thank God for our mind do we, but hey, we came with it. Manufactures warranty right? Generally, the expectation is GM works until the body expires. Well, for some of us the expiration date has been fouled. Mines still covers bathroom, a little meal prep, a couple of simple household chores a week. I can drive like a mile or so on good days right? I still know who everyone is and my cognition is exceptionally well. Howbeit, I can’t comprehend anything after about 30 minutes. My eyes shut down after about two hours and I’ll be taking a 2 hour nap after writing this, but yeah GM! GM has a job to do. Whether at full capacity or optimistically low. Grey matter delivers. And that’s why you need to turn your music down to park.

Black Loving and Caring During a Pandemic #BIGprayer

One thing about life, people gone live life like they don’t know what you’re going through. When you die it’s RIP and they live on. Or should I say we live on. But slow down. Check on your people. Be a help, encourage them, call, send that text, pray for others, buy an extra Frappuccino and show genuine concern. I love to end my phone calls with “I love you”. It’s gotten to point where everyone knows we don’t hang up the phone without saying “I love you.” 👏🏽✊🏾👊🏽💪🏾🙏🏾🙌. We have to be real about how we feel. ♥️ Baby, hang that phone up and I’m calling you right back! “I didn’t get my I LOVE YOU” that’s an expectation in my family now.

😍😘Loving and caring actions from family and friends help keep me going many of days! Yes, I know how to encourage myself, but sometimes we just need to let people know what we’re going through and not carry the burden alone. AND for godsakes when someone shows love, care or does the slightest thing for you say thank you! Show some appreciation! Yes it’s a big deal! People are working and trying to manage their life so if they take 5 minutes to ask about you; YOU a better show some appreciation!

🧡💛💜💚❤️🤎Care And love feeds the soul and warms the heart. Care from others releases neurophysiology changes! In other words it manifests as improved overall health.

I appreciate my people!!!!!! God blessed me with hood friends (I mean good friends) and family. Social media, by the way is a good place to gather sympathy, empathy and those intentional feel good moments you need as a human being. I don’t try to be no super hero! Or practice dysfunctional religion where it’s just me and Jesus. Jesus had 12 disciples what I look like walking this walk alone? I gave that up years ago. I value relationships. 🤝

Healthy relationships are how you get through life. Privacy can sometimes be painful and carry a negative impact in your mind, body, spirit and soul. Privacy can manifest as chronic disease, overeating and depression. Well for me it does. It SUCKS to live life alone. AND you’re not doing your children any favors going it all alone. That’s depressing and we are basically teaching one another harmful and damaging life skills. NONE of us were made to be alone. We were made to be in relationships. Family, friends, co-workers and community. 🥰 Let people care about you!!!!! Be emotionally free and stop all of this “No one was there for me.” “I drive myself to chemo.” Who knew you had cancer? Open up! Take the cash app! Let them drive you! Love that ugly pair of fuzzy socks. Find your joy.

And when someone is negative🥴, let them know hey, “I don’t like what you said or when you did _ that hurt me or offended me.” Yeah, you have to communicate so others understand your needs. Tell them—- That made me feel like you were dismissing me or whatever the context is. 🗣. Let them know you welcome them; but it has to be in love. No condemnation, judgment or authority over your life. They can’t be saying no anything to you causing more depression and harm. Let’s be clear. 🥸

We have to get used to caring for one another so we live longer with more joy and happiness. Btw- I snagged this little Joy and Happiness article for you. And no, a smile does not mean I’m not in pain, but it does mean I have a higher percentage of recovery. It does qualify as tool to minimize depression in my current situation or circumstances. So how about it? Share some joy and happiness today! Let ppl know you care.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/badgesforall.org/2020/03/30/the-science-of-joy-and-happiness/amp/

#BIGprayer

Black Men! Every Six Hours! Really! I’m Calling This Out. #blackfemicide

Every 6 hours!!!!!! #femicide. A black woman or girl is killed. EVERY SIX HOURS!!!!! #blackfemicide

Screenshot from @blackfemicideamerica on IG

I meet the women in clubhouse having a passionate discussion centered around the harm and Murder of black women. I learned a word that I wish was not a term that was well known; femicide. The murder of women. More specifically they were holding the space to speak in #blackfemicide; the murder of black women and girls. NOW I MAY NOT be doing a good job at this. My descriptions may be off so please visit https://instagram.com/blackfemicideamerica?utm_medium=copy_link on Instagram.

I do not condone any bullying, verbal abuse, financial abuse, hitting or harming anyone. Men please get some mental help! I know some messed up stuff has happened to many of you. You’ve seen some messed up stuff! You’ve been forced to do things a child should never see less known do; but we have to heal!

What is that demons name inside you man? That demon that will say yes to a white man on the job, but can’t wait to get home to punch his wife in the face!

What kind of demon you got? It controls your walk when a cop drives by; but you’ll kick your girl in the face with that same foot that walked straight forward a minute ago when officer don’t give a care about your black behind drove by!!!!!! I got questions!

What kind of demon you got that will sit there on the couch for 3 hours and enjoy spades & and beer with the fellas, walk them to their car, say by see you next week and then you walk inside the apartment and choke your girl!!!

You think it’s who you are! Whole time it’s a demon! You think you’re like your dad! Whole time it’s a demonic spirit attached to you! Has nothing to do with your last name and everything to do with hiding and harboring pain! You’re dysfunctional; not clinically crazy. That’s why you get prison after the act. There’s no psychological reason for it. You know right from wrong, what you’re missing is control. The devil got you! See. If it was mental you’d fight anybody, anywhere over anything. But it conditional. You only do it when no one can respond in equal trade. See. You’re not fighting people who have a chance to win. You’re fighting victims. They’re smaller or caught off guard or both. See that’s not mental illness. That’s demonic.

Y’all got demons!!!!!!!!! Demons 😈 And I pray you are set free!!!!!😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇. That’s right. I pray that when you hear this your ears pop open. Go back and search the root. What happens in your childhood assassinated your manhood? Either your daddy taught you or neither your mom or dad protected you. You have to unpack that devil! Cause the judge won’t see him. He won’t see that devil. It will just be you standing there after the white devil uses you. And he’ll use you one last time to rot in jail for f he don’t get you to kill your fool self and rot in hell.

You think it’s you. Im telling you the agenda is bigger. A black woman or black girl is killed every six hours! 6 hours. That’s 4 black women or black girls a day! And you want your hands to have something to do with that?

It is disgusting how black women are treated! The things that black women experience at the hands of their own… Why? Why do they have a mental problem at home; but can go to work for 8 hours and yes sir??? And I’m not saying mental illness does not exist! I’m not trying to invalidate another person reality or life experience. I’m asking why is there so much domestic violence in the black community?

You’ve been set in destroy!!!!!!!!!

blackfemicide is a real thing! Men can’t keep their hands off of black women and girls. You’ve been programmed by the greatest to ever do it; to implode. You’ve been hand picked to create black carnage! The rape and murder is on you. The white man pulled back his whip! He pulled back his penis! Now the black man serves him on autopilot. He sat hatred in your heart through his insanity he possessed which allows him to hang black humans from trees and black babies ro alligators. That same spirit that gather under the lynching tree to cut the pieces off a freshly killed “nigger” and take pics and the “picnic”. Why are you allowing rhe robbery? Why are you not aware of your soul?

Wiz Khalif Calls For Peace In A Black Sea of Self-Sabotage. What Is Black On Black Crime?

Rapper shot! Rapper stabbed! Rapper dead! Translation black man shot! Black man stabbed! Black man dead! The truth about black on black crime is that we have to be the ones to resolve our own problem. Rappers aka black men are calling for peace after #youngdolph was shot and killed in Memphis and now #drakeotheruler has been stabbed to death. Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg plead with the community to cease fire. The list of dead rappers and dead black men is extensive. From one black community to another we’ve seen death increase impacting those in the streets as well as 9 year olds sitting at the dining room table. What’s our problem? We are not nice to one another. You think it’s deep, but really it’s not. We are a community that have not learned to love our sister and brother. But what have you learned? What is black on black crime? My God, to understand that we must look deeply into what have we learned. 🧐.


💜1. To be hard! Hard for who? Hard for what? Answer that. Because you can’t even get justice if a cop shoots you in the back. How do I know because cops are still shooting blacks in the back!!! So hard for who? Hard for what? If you can say the names of all of the Black people who have been killed by regular White people and cops then you can say the names of the people who came to the hood where all the hard folks exist and took your street credit. But, that’s right street credit is for black folks. We only apply hard to hues of darker shades. White will not get these hands or catch a fade. Black gangster pauses for breaks when the rival gang is a snowflake. The anomaly is triggering.


💜2. To be family! Family to a “color group” that practices group think only to create community harm. Then the powers that be allow the gangs to believe in ownership of streets, street credit and separate laws, rules or codes. Proudly you post on social media the black bylaws, which govern the three blocks you’ve managed to survive on praying you escape or at least make your 18th birthday. Disturbingly the partakers in this minefield of mental corruption explode on the persons nearest to them while applauding those who genuinely hate the the most. Desiring everything the THEY make, wear and ride. Infatuated with dilemma.


💜3. To be street smart! A skill only used to manage, engage or avoid others in “the streets” (or up to no good.) Those who lack the benefit of guidance. Those in communities intentionally drained and absent of all future opportunities such as housing, jobs and education, commodified with drugs, alcohol and absent fathers. There’s an inherit trait known to man called environmental factors. So while you’re walking around as a person with the ability to make decisions the conditions you are in limit the ability to expand your views. Therefore, self-sabotage is dominating factor even about desire.


💜4. To be hood and ghetto! That’s the calling card to serve white supremacy. A commitment to do things under the guise of self-acclimation only to actually be the product of white supremacy. You say it’s your hood, they agree and calculate the number of blacks that will end up in prison 10 years from now graduating from hood school. You say hood, they say put it on a track! Get to the studio. THEY give prizes of lifestyle to the leaders of self-harm and community destruction. The voice of the most damaging must be heard. Tell your hood story as the prop the mic. Spread your trauma through the streaming platforms. Of course your people can relate, but all THEY care about is breeding the money. Just like they did with slavery breeding the babies.

THEY could tell you that none of these choices have value, but it wouldn’t serve their overall purpose. They can actually pull books of records, data and statistics and physically show you YOUR blackness, but that wouldn’t serve them. THEY don’t get to keep their job making you better! They don’t get to buy an extra house with you being the wiser. It’s comical for them to be the ones to save you. THEY hear your stories and love them because stories like yours feed their bottom line. You’re an investment. Not worth investing into; an INVESTMENT. And until black people distinguish the difference black on black crime will be a thing. They’re not going to stop their investment from producing.

The way to flip the switch is simple, switch teams.